About a year ago, I was up to my ears in full-scale burn out. I hadn’t had a real break in months and the pace of work seemed to be ever-increasing. What I remember disliking the most about that time was how generalized my unhappiness was. Everywhere I looked was more work; I just couldn’t see the joy.
One Saturday, my son (who was 3 at the time) was standing on our coffee table wearing star shaped glasses, holding a crayon like a microphone, singing “Let it Grow” from the Lorax. I, on the other hand, was obsessively conveying some story to my husband about how something had happened and then someone said something and then something else happened (you know that story, I’m sure. It’s NEVER interesting.). He looked at me and said “Ok, I hear you, but right now- look at this.” and he physically turned me around to face my son.
I laughed out loud and my son, ever the clown, stuck his tongue out at me and kept singing. My husband whispered in my ear “Go get him” and I did. I grabbed him off the table and tickled him until he was blue in the face. And then I kissed him and said “You are my favorite boy. I think you are very cute and I love your silly faces.”
And while he probably felt pretty good in that moment (I’ve never met anyone so ticklish), I think I probably felt better and benefitted more.
Feeling grateful for what you have is a really healthy way to be. There are hundreds of roundups around the internet (here’s one) highlighting how gratitude benefits your physical health, mental strength, resilience, sleep, self esteem, emotional stability… the list goes on and on.
Why would that be true? One reason is straight up neurobiological. Let’s remember how the brain works: What you think about regularly stays right at the top of your mind to be thought about again. That means that you will notice things that you’ve recently thought about more than you will notice things that you haven’t thought about lately (that’s an awkward sentence, but stay with me).
Think about the last time you learned a new word. I recently learned the the meaning of the word “anathema” People would sometimes say, “X or Y is anathema to education in the United States” and I would nod sagely but have no idea what they were talking about. Was it good? Was it bad? I had no idea. So I looked it up.
Anathema (n): a person or thing detested or loathed.
Well, now that I had spent that time thinking about the word anathema it was suddenly everywhere! Everyone is saying it! Rachel Maddow said it on her show the other day, for crying out loud! Is the use of the term anathema actually on the rise? No, I’m sure it’s not. What’s “on the rise” is my brain’s willingness to notice that word. Because that’s how the brain works.
So, what does this have to do with gratitude? Well, if you make it your business to acknowledge and appreciate the good things that you have in your life (a ticklish boy in star shaped sunglasses) even when something else is going horribly awry (your work is sucking the life out of you) you will suddenly notice more and more to be grateful for.
Suddenly, joy is on the rise.
When times are rough you might need to work a little harder or get a little help to see the good things around you. That’s where this blog post comes in.
One of the fastest ways to encounter the things you have to be grateful for is to express explicit appreciation. Appreciation, after all, is gratitude made manifest. Here’s how to do it:
I challenge you to do 2 or even THREE of these this week! I’ve created a downloadable planner help you dig deep and compliment well. I ask you four critical questions that you can use to craft a KILLER compliment. You can get it here!
Amanda Crowell, PhD is a cognitive psychologist obsessed with how people make change. She is best known for translating cutting edge research into practical strategies that can be used right away.