What to Do When You Aren’t Sure What’s Next

I love finishing things. The feeling of hitting “post,” or sending something off, or writing that “here you go!” delivery email… I savor those things.

I’m the rabbit at the end of the race, chewing on the carrot in a ray of sunshine, thinking, “Life is good.”

Part of my love for that moment is how rare and fleeting it is. You finish your carrot, the sun goes down, you get an amazing night’s sleep, and then… now what?

Sometimes you know exactly what’s next. You’ve been holding your new idea at bay by sheer force of will. You are ready and raring to go!

And sometimes, it’s less like that.

Like right now, for me. I am “between goals,”… and it hasn’t been a particularly comfortable place for me to be. When people ask me, “What are you up to, now?” I fumble around, saying things like, “Well, maybe this? And Maybe that? And… maybe I don’t know?”

At first, I felt like I was disappointing people.

I thought they expected me to say something concrete and ambitious like, “I’m working on a new series for the podcast” or “I’m putting together the outline for my next book.”

But, instead, when I said something more like “I’m not sure yet,” that’s when they leaned in.

Over and over again, people asked, “What do you do when you don’t know?”

So I thought about it. What am I actually doing?

I’m Doing What I Never Have Time To Do

When I was in high school and college, I auditioned for and performed in some musicals. I was Martha in the Secret Garden, a disciple in Godspell, and in the ensemble of a few others. These are some of my happiest memories.

As I got older, it became clear that I was far too comfortable with my body to be a professional actress, and I was much too ambitious for hobbies, so I settled onto the sidelines, going as often as I could to see Broadway shows.

Just to be clear:

⚾️ I love musicals the way my husband loves the Red Sox.

🦉 I love musicals the way birds love the sky.

🥖 I love musicals the way Paul Hollywood loves bread.

My love for musical theater is a deep and abiding love that has spanned decades. When I found myself between goals, I had a thought:

What if I did a show?

I’ve had this thought many times over the years, and I pushed it to the side…. but this time it landed. It grew roots… and then I saw the news:

The Gaslamp Theater Company was doing the Sound of Music. Auditions in November, rehearsals in January, and shows in early February.

The timing worked for my sabbatical, and my husband was supportive… was I going to do it? Was I? Oh, my goodness! I was!

I prepared to sing the Lonely Goatherd (because, if one is going to audition for the Sound of Music, one should certainly yodel), showed up to the audition, and earned a spot as a nun.

It was practically perfect in every way! I had rehearsal about once a week until tech week when I went every day. It was thrilling to be part of a show as it came together. My part was small, but it felt big to me.

I’m Taking Time for Self-Reflection

I did The Artists Way for the first time when I was 25, and it changed my life. It opened me up to an artistic side of myself that I hadn’t even considered. I was the wordy, logical, studious one, right?

It was The Artist’s Way that helped me consider that I might also be visual, associative, and goofy. In fact, I don’t think I realized what a huge impact it had on my life until I started it again this January.

I’ve attempted to do it twice since my 20s… the second and third times I did it, though, it was more like revisiting the work I had done the first time. I read through my notes in the margins, recommitted to morning pages, and then ran out of steam in week 7 or 8.

This time, though, I wanted to experience it anew. I bought a new copy, bought a new morning pages notebook, and set a countdown timer on my phone.

Today it says “Committed to the Artists Way: 41 Days Left.”

One of the best activities I’ve done so far in this round of The Artists Way has been week four’s assignment of reading deprivation. Last year, I read 59 books; I’ve always had at least one book that I’m currently reading. Last year, I noticed that I was reading at an even more fevered pace than usual as I tried to find some reprieve from the stress and tumultuousness.

Suffice it to say, going cold turkey on reading was a challenge. The reason I did it, though, was because Julia Cameron (the author of TAW) made this compelling point: if you are struggling to know what you want to do (or try, or be) next, you need to strand yourself with yourself.

So I did… and boy, oh, boy, was it hard. I hadn’t realized how many little moments I was filling with reading. I read when I was bored. I read when I was stressed. I read as I ate lunch. I read when I needed to sleep instead.

And suddenly, I wasn’t reading at all!

After 5 days of being at loose ends, wandering around with nothing to do, I got some inklings. Tough knots loosened. New thoughts flew in.

I didn’t get a flash of brilliance, like DO THIS NEXT! Instead, it was like that feeling when a puzzle piece that hasn’t fit, hasn’t fit, hasn’t fit… suddenly finds its spot and you realize: Oh, it wasn’t a flower, it was a cottontail.

I never had time for such meandering before. It’s nice to take that time now.

I’m Experimenting With Unexpected Things

I am not a crafty person, and yet I’m really enjoying felting. I made a character called Murder Mouse who has a gun that shoots carrots. We don’t know why he shoots carrots, or why he has such violence in his heart, but we love him.

I’m not a fiction writer, but I’m halfway through writing a screenplay. It involves a bird (Bonkers) who is an international superstar.

I’m not a hiker, but my dog (Ruthie) and I are exploring all the local woods in all the local weather.

I can’t draw, but I love to watch drawing tutorials on Domestika. I’m getting better at drawing the human figure, but for reasons I can’t figure out, I never draw my people tall enough.

I’m not a video game person, but I’m working my way toward superstar on Just Dance. My favorite song is Rave in the Grave.

I don’t know where any of these things will “go” but, I’m beginning to see what we don’t get anywhere new if we just trod around on the same paths we’ve been walking for years.

I’m Making Time for People Who Delight Me

About a month or so ago, I decided that I would go places and have lunch. Thusly, I wrote to friends who live within an hour of me and offered to come to them and meet them for lunch. I’ve gone to four or five lunches so far, and it might be the best part of this time of exploration.

Then I realized it’s 2024 and I started reaching out to people who live further away, but who I miss interacting with and asked them to have “lunch” with me on Zoom. I’m having my first of these next week, and I’m open to many more.

If you happen to live in or near New Jersey, or want to have lunch with me via Zoom, let me know! I’m trying to do one a week, so it might take time to get it organized, but I would love to be in better contact with people who delight me!

And, of course, if you want a weekly dose of delight, you should join us in the Great Work Community. We meet on Fridays at 10ET, and we focus on developing a bias towards celebration. Even when we don’t know what the heck we are doing, we are following the bring spots, and celebrating that we take our Great Work seriously.

I’m Learning To Love the Moment

My word for 2024 is acceptance, and while it was a struggle for a while to accept what is, I’m learning to love it. Obviously, I would love for something big to break and sweep me away on an adventure. But I’m also learning to appreciate a moment of silence, a silly character sketch, and the excitement of a new pencil without any of it having to go anywhere.

Both are nice, and that’s new for me.