It’s Time to Get Out Of the Box You Are Living In With Dr. Amanda Crowell | UYGW10

When you have a moment of success, do you feel you need to hide?

… NO MORE!

This is the encouragement you need to let success come to you.

Join me as we discuss:

  • Why we worry that our success will upset others
  • How our friends can perpetuate our worries
  • How our success inspires others

About the Host:

Dr. Amanda Crowell is a cognitive psychologist, speaker, author and coach changing our perspective on the world of work. It IS possible to do Great Work– launch a successful business, make a scientific discovery, raise a tight-knit family, or manage a global remote team– without sacrificing your health, happiness and relationships.

Amanda is the Author of the forthcoming book, Great Work: Do What Matter Most Without Sacrificing Everything Else, and the creator of the Great Work Journals. Amanda’s TEDx talk has received more than a million views and has been featured on TED’s Ideas blog and Ted Shorts.

Her ideas have also been featured on NPR, Al Jazeera, The Wall Street Journal, Quartz, and Thrive Global.

Sponsored By The Aligned Time Journal

The Unleashing Your Great Work podcast is sponsored by the Aligned Time Journal! The Aligned Time Journal is here to answer the question “But HOW?” How can we figure out what our Great Work is? How can we get started, stay with it, and finish our Great Work so it can go out in the world and have an impact? 

Click here to learn more, and try it out for yourself!

For more information about the Unleashing YOUR Great Work podcast or to learn more about Dr. Amanda Crowell, check out my website: amandacrowell.com

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Transcript
Dr Amanda Crowell:

A friend of mine recently got an article

Dr Amanda Crowell:

accepted into the journal Science. That's a big deal. When

Dr Amanda Crowell:

you get something into science, you're pretty much guaranteed a

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job at a research institution, or at least a really, really

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good postdoctoral fellowship. It opens big time doors. For real.

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This is one of my very good friends. And she does really

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interesting research. She deserves this break. And yet,

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when she was telling me her good news, it went like this. You'll

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never guess what happened. Remember that study I was doing

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about that thing? I'm going to stop right there, because

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researchers will go, shall we talking for the next 15 minutes,

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we go into extremely intense detail. This is me. Yes, of

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course. Well, my advisor suggested that we submit to

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science, but of course, I never thought it would get in. Right?

Dr Amanda Crowell:

No, really, no one ever gets into science, like 1% of things

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are accepted to science. But it did. I can't believe it. It's so

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crazy. I really didn't expect it to but it got accepted. And they

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don't even want very many revisions. That is so great. I

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know. And then she seemed to lose a little bit of steam. It

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is right. I'm sorry. I should have asked you about your work.

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She looks down and then at me a little nervous. She didn't want

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me to feel bad about where I was in light of her good news.

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You're sorry. Oh, no, no, you're not awesome. Yes. Proud. Yes,

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amazing, obviously, but sorry. Oh, hell no. Now we've been

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friends for years. And I've never known her to hide from

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success. But this one seemed like just a little bit too much

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for her. I could see it dawned on her that this might divide us

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that I might feel left behind. This happens a lot. It's pretty

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common for someone to have a moment of success and then lay

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really low, like they did something wrong. It's a silly

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word balloons, living alongside all these other balloons in a

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neighborhood of boxes, a constrained but orderly

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existence. And then suddenly they find themselves alone

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outside, untethered, and on the rise, after a moment, Freedom

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induced euphoria, they get spooked. What about everyone

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else? What if they don't want to talk to me now that I'm outside

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the box, and then they run back inside determined once again to

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live low, just like everyone else. I hear them. No one wants

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to be all alone in a scary, unpredictable world. But the

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same time, do you want to live your life trying to be so small

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that no one ever feels intimidated, impressed or amazed

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by you? That doesn't sound to me, like a life where you will

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make things that you care about better, or where you push your

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artistic, logical and creative boundaries to new heights, it

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surely doesn't sound like a life full of adventure, challenge or

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excitement. It is not a life of great work. You have to leave

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the box behind my friends. Because first of all, that box

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is boring, you are already chafing against it, aren't you.

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And frankly, that box is dangerous, because there's

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always someone who wants to make it smaller.

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Let's imagine that you did something really great. Like get

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your first truly ideal high paying client. And then along

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comes your accomplished friend. Don't be too awesome, darling.

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She says I'll feel left out even though I'm also pretty great. So

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you downplay your success and start saying it's no big deal.

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And I must have great luck, and your box shrinks. Then along

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comes to your friend. And then along comes your friend who

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feels stuck. Don't get too excited, or I'll feel even worse

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about my own situation. So you go mute about your

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accomplishments. If someone's interested, you reason they'll

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ask and your box shrinks. Then, along comes your friend who's

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great at complaining. Don't pretend like you have a good

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life. You and I both know that life sucks. Come on, let's

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complain. And then you find yourself actually complaining

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about this amazing opportunity in and then you find yourself

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actually complaining about this amazing opportunity and feeling

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like a traitor to your own life. And your box gets a little bit

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tighter.

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Finally, the worst friend of all comes along the insecure diva, I

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suppose to be the one who's amazing. What do you mean you

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have this great opportunity. I never get great opportunities

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anymore. I guess my time is over. She lays a hand across her

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bow. And she lays a hand across her brow peeking at you through

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one eye just to make sure you're taking the bait, which you do,

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assuring her that your opportunity is really not that

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great. And all of her opportunities were better. And

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suddenly the Your opportunity is not that great. And all of her

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opportunities were obviously so much better. Suddenly, that box

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has a kung fu grip on your heart, and it's squeezing.

Dr Amanda Crowell:

Please forgive me when I say this. You need to fuck that

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shit.

Dr Amanda Crowell:

Let me introduce you to a new set of friends. These friends

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hear about your accomplishments, and they help you celebrate it.

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They take you out for drinks and tell the waiter to ring cake.

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They ask probing questions to go. They ask probing questions

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to get all the gory, amazing details and would shout it from

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the rooftops if you just let them. When you say it's no big

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deal. They say Are you kidding? It's the biggest deal. When you

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say I know. But I still haven't heard back about when you when

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you say I know. But you still haven't heard back about your

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own opportunity. They say, this isn't about me, my day is

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coming. This is about you, and how proud I am of you. Maybe

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these feel like unrealistic expectations to have for your

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friends. But I'm pretty sure that at least some of your

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existing friends would transform immediately. Once you help them

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get free of their own terrible little box.

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Friendship is one of those things where people are

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constantly cueing off each other. If you are unequivocally

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excited about your opportunity, they will be too. And if you are

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unequivocally excited about their successes, they'll

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probably do the same for you. And if they don't, it's time for

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new friends. Here's a rather long quote slash poem that I

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love you may have heard before, it's from Marianne Williamson.

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And it gets at the heart of why we allow ourselves to live in

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this neighborhood of terrible tiny boxes.

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Here we go. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our

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deepest fear is that we are powerful. beyond measure. It is

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our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask

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ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,

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fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of

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God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is

Dr Amanda Crowell:

nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people

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don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as

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children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God

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that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone.

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And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give

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other people permission to do the same.

Dr Amanda Crowell:

Now, as your friend, here's what I want you to know. You have my

Dr Amanda Crowell:

permission to blow us all away. I want to watch you soar Far,

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far away. And then I want you to come back and tell me stories. I

Dr Amanda Crowell:

don't need you by my side to make me feel better. I need you

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to wave at me from all the way up there to show me how far it's

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possible to go. It's hard for us to say these things to each

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other. Not just because we wonder when our turn will come.

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But because we will miss you. But I know that you'll be back,

Dr Amanda Crowell:

ready to share your stories and helped me unlock my own

Dr Amanda Crowell:

potential. So now, go, be amazing. And I'll be right here.


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