Recently the four of us (collectively, The Crowells) stumbled across baby videos of the small ones learning to walk, crawl, and talk. Much oohing and aahing ensued. Then came a video with an actual adult… it was me with my daughter, who was 2 at the time, showing her what it’s like to see herself on video (when you turn the cell phone camera around in selfie mode) and she was laughing which made me laugh. Oh how we laughed! It was adorable. I said, “Someday- when I’m gone- you’ll be watching this video and crying, “‘Oh, how I miss my mother!'” Yes. I said that. Sorry. My husband, who is hip to my game and not having it, then said, “Not if I marry some other woman who hides all the videos.” I, obviously easily riled up, said “What?! Why are you remarried so soon? And why would you remarry a woman who hides the videos!”
Some escalating back and forth ensued while our children are watching, confused. “Wait… what do you mean when you are gone!?!” It took me quite a while to calm down from that. (My husband is a bear poker, he knows how to calm me down, but he’d rather rile me up. Such is the story of soul mates.) And here’s what you already know:
Our brains don’t discriminate between the stories we are telling ourselves and the things that are true. What story are you making up and then worrying about? Is it that people are judging you? Is it that people don’t like you? Is it that you aren’t a “math person?” Is it that you are lazy? All of that is a choice- these are stories you are choosing to tell about yourself. And that choice has consequences. Once you’ve said it, your brain is going to respond. Get worried, see the world through that lens, build up the back story to support it, turn it into a belief, and then you’re stuck. Watch out for the stories you are telling yourself. Choose the good ones.
Forever and ever I’ve wanted to be an author. And forever and ever I thought that was impossible. See, I’ve got this eye thing from childhood seizures (long story, I’m fine now) that makes it really hard for my eyes to see typos (I also CANNOT find Waldo, but that’s a story for another day). And to me, that felt like an insurmountable problem!
It’s not like people didn’t like my writing… they would read my blogs, and told me they enjoyed my emails… but I assumed they liked it because I have a quirky sense of humor, not because it was GOOD or anything like that.
Or at least that’s what I told myself because:
Have you ever noticed that the thing that other people admire about you is the same thing that gets you into trouble? Me too. People ask me all the time “How do you do so much?” And I come up with some kind of mindset related truth, “Get your head clear and begin to take steps!” Which is true… but another equally true statement is, “Be a pathological finisher who overworks until you run yourself into the ground!” So, can we shortcut the growing pains for a minute- think about your greatest strength and just admit that you are going to overdo it and start working on getting that extremism under control. Driven to climb the big mountains…and sometimes you sulk about a board game so much that no one in your family wants to play with you? So generous and caring with your friends and family that they wouldn’t know what to do without you… but you never make enough time for YOU to finish your novel? So creative that you write poems and paint pictures that bend our perception of time and space but you just cannot focus enough get the bills paid? I feel you, friend. Now you know… how will you control your biggest strength when it starts wreaking havoc?
One of my clients said last week, “If my profile doesn’t resonate with them, then I’m happy to provide a referral.” BAM. That’s the sound of someone stepping into their power, leaving fear and scarcity behind. “I have something to offer. It’s this, it’s not that, and when you recognize it as what you want then I’ll be here.” This is the kind of confidence and clarity that turns you into a magnet, drawing clients toward you. They want to be seen by you, helped by you, and spend time more in the world you create where they can feel better. And it’s hard, you can’t fake it, and it’s usually on the other side of struggle. This is something to be proud of.
You have likely experienced both personally and professionally that our mental health world is a world of word of mouth.
One of the biggest myths I hear constantly is that word of mouth is something that happens by chance. Luck. It’s out of our control, or the universe is (or isn’t) on our side. Sound familiar?Continue reading
Have you noticed that everyone is talking about the Law of Attraction these days? The Law of Attraction is the idea that whatever you focus on (good or bad) will be attracted to you like a magnet. So, if you think about rolling around in a large pile of money (a la Scrooge McDuck) money will be attracted to you. If you focus on scarcity then continued money problems await. Can this be true? Is there really such thing as a “universal law of energy”?
Maybe? I’m not so sure.
I have, on the other hand, experienced some very strong luck or good fortune in my day. Receiving exactly what I wanted. Manifesting opportunities “out of the blue.” Serendipity, as it were.
Here are a few example:
You know how summer goes: In June you’re still wrapping up and recovering from the school year and in August you’ve turned your attention back to the classroom to ensure that you are ready to go when school starts up again…
But JULY. Oh, how I love July! Here are five reasons why July is the BEST time to recharge.
Here’s a truth that we’ve somehow completely lost as a society: if you knew how to do something already it wouldn’t be a risk. It wouldn’t be new. It wouldn’t be innovative or creative or fascinating or fun!
When we think about creative geniuses like Steve Jobs, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jim Henson, Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, even Amelia Earhart we have this image of someone whose talent is so extreme that they triumph over the competitive odds of their industry with ease. We think that their great ideas hit them like lightening, fully formed and ready for commercial release. Perfect pitch, delivered at birth! Crazy coding skills, learned overnight!
This just isn’t how it goes. People who are very successful (including very successful entrepreneurs) need all three of these traits:
Do you see how talent, or God-given ability, isn’t on the list? That’s because everyone has some kind of God-given ability, but not everyone is very successful. A lot of very successful people claim to trade blood, sweat and tears for every iota of progress they make.
I find the whole question of how much impact talent plays in one’s likelihood of success to be mostly irrelevant. We are who we are and worrying about where other people started feels like an excuse to stay stuck. Instead, let’s start where we are, use what we have and do what we can.
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
The more one does and sees and feels, the more one is able to do, and the more genuine may be one’s appreciation of fundamental things like home, and love, and understanding companionship.
I’m convinced that about half of what separates successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.
Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.
Anytime you write something, you go through so many phases. You go through the ‘I’m a Fraud’ phase. You go through the ‘I’ll Never Finish’ phase. And every once in a while you think, ‘What if I actually have created what I set out to create, and it’s received as such?
“If you care about what you do and work hard at it, there isn’t anything you can’t do if you want to.”
“The only way the magic works is by hard work. But hard work can be fun.”
Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment.
I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve faiI’led over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
There are a few cornerstones of my methodology for change.
That last one is really important.