What are you waiting for? For it to be easy? For it to be clear? For it to be fun all the time? For it to be streamlined? For it to be a guaranteed success? For it to be someone else’s idea?For it to be a new/unique/mind blowing idea?
Sign up for the hard, the fragile and the murky. Be cool with the tears and the mess. Go ahead and be cookie cutter or totally weird. Go with the grain or go against it. It doesn’t matter!
What does matter is that you live and speak and BE what you believe. To do that, will you please stop waiting and start already?!?!
Here’s a boring story: “He was good at it and he succeeded.”
And let’s be honest, you’re yawning because that’s not a human story.
Here’s a kick ass story: She sucked, she got better, she fell down, she got back up, she was chosen in a crazy twist of fate, and after she managed not to sabotage her success, she’s become your role model.” What!? Fascinating! Even without details,
So… who are you trying to be? Are you trying to be boring? Or are you willing to be fascinating and real?
What comes to mind when you read this: “VICTORY!”
Is it an image of a sweaty, smiling, totally fit person with all the right gear arriving at the top of a mountain, gazing in wonderment at the vista she’s earned?
Sometimes it’s like that. And isn’t it nice!
Sometimes, however, it’s something more like army crawling through an abandoned and collapsed coal mine, ravaged by intense claustrophobia, coming face to face with rats, and totally cut off from the light of day. When you finally emerge into the still dark cave before the opening into rainy day beyond, there’s no happy dance. You just put your head down and ask, “Can we be done now?”
It’s the victory of making it through burnout. It’s the victory of really being there for someone you love who has cancer. It’s the victory of coming out the other side of an autoimmune flare up. It’s the victory of launching a product that flops. It’s the real stuff of being a hero.
Be proud of these victories, too.
Recently the four of us (collectively, The Crowells) stumbled across baby videos of the small ones learning to walk, crawl, and talk. Much oohing and aahing ensued. Then came a video with an actual adult… it was me with my daughter, who was 2 at the time, showing her what it’s like to see herself on video (when you turn the cell phone camera around in selfie mode) and she was laughing which made me laugh. Oh how we laughed! It was adorable. I said, “Someday- when I’m gone- you’ll be watching this video and crying, “‘Oh, how I miss my mother!'” Yes. I said that. Sorry. My husband, who is hip to my game and not having it, then said, “Not if I marry some other woman who hides all the videos.” I, obviously easily riled up, said “What?! Why are you remarried so soon? And why would you remarry a woman who hides the videos!”
Some escalating back and forth ensued while our children are watching, confused. “Wait… what do you mean when you are gone!?!” It took me quite a while to calm down from that. (My husband is a bear poker, he knows how to calm me down, but he’d rather rile me up. Such is the story of soul mates.) And here’s what you already know:
Our brains don’t discriminate between the stories we are telling ourselves and the things that are true. What story are you making up and then worrying about? Is it that people are judging you? Is it that people don’t like you? Is it that you aren’t a “math person?” Is it that you are lazy? All of that is a choice- these are stories you are choosing to tell about yourself. And that choice has consequences. Once you’ve said it, your brain is going to respond. Get worried, see the world through that lens, build up the back story to support it, turn it into a belief, and then you’re stuck. Watch out for the stories you are telling yourself. Choose the good ones.
When we returned from vacation last month, my family arrived home late and went straight to bed only to wake up and realize that there was NO COFFEE ANYWHERE IN MY HOUSE. My husband’s position was that it was “fine, I’ll survive.” I was… less like that.
I get up at 5:30AM and was cranky and off my game for an hour and a half before it occurred to me… “Two weeks ago when we left for vacation we took our coffee grinder with us, and some of the those beans fell out. I think they are still in the way back of the pilot.”
COFFEE BEANS. Just outside!
I ran outside in my pajamas and dug around on the floor my car for coffee beans. I collected them in my shirt the way you do when you are foraging for berries in the woods. I got just enough and headed to the stairs to grind my way to the nectar of the gods. I reached for the banister to climb the stairs and CRASH! Coffee beans dropped out of my shirt and onto the ground.
I stood looking at them for a full minute.
Well, when you are all in on something you get down on your hands and knees and pick up those coffee beans. One at a time. In your pajamas. In full view of your neighbors. With zero shame because COFFEE.
What will you drop everything for, embarrass yourself for, and risk communicable diseases for? It’s helpful to know the answer to that question.
Sarah LaFleur the lovely creator of MM LaFleur was speaking at a Change-makers chat last year and she describes what it takes to succeed (and I would say that it’s what is required to be live your best life) this way:
Imagine that you are stranded on a deserted island and you want to swim to an island that docks cruise ships that you are pretty sure is “over there-ish”. Too far to see it exactly but you have a good feeling. You joyfully throw off your shoes, get down to your bathing suit and wade out into the warm water close to shore. “This isn’t too bad!” You say, with the naïvetée of the uninitiated. “It’s a good thing I took those swim lessons in 4th grade.”
And you start to swim.
“Am I still swimming? I’m getting kind of tired.” You stop, and doggie paddle for a while to look around and see how far you’ve come.
You can very clearly see the island you just left. There’s your palm tree with the delicious coconuts. And the hammock you made out of palm leaves. And your little rain catcher made out of an animal skin (that was gross, but needed) propped up on sticks. Looking in the other direction you see… nothing. No island, no cruise ship, no dolphins ready to carry you to safety on their backs. You look back at your little island.
“Some fresh water would be pretty good right now,” you think. “Maybe I should go back?”
It’s entirely rational to go back. Back to the coconut tree and the rainwater and guaranteed (loneliness but) survival. And you can always hope someone will come and save you, right? And that’s what almost everyone does. Who can blame them?
But what do YOU do?
You keep swimming. Because the waves and chill and the muscle spasms and jellyfish are the opportunities you needed to practice believing in yourself. To get deep into the mental game of being in action without guarantees, to practice not giving up on your creations, to claw your way one exhausted stroke at a time, into the belief that you are good enough, right now. You’ve got what it takes, no matter where you are, no matter how you got here, and no matter whether you land on the island with the cruise ships.
And so, here’s to you, fellow swimmers!
Forever and ever I’ve wanted to be an author. And forever and ever I thought that was impossible. See, I’ve got this eye thing from childhood seizures (long story, I’m fine now) that makes it really hard for my eyes to see typos (I also CANNOT find Waldo, but that’s a story for another day). And to me, that felt like an insurmountable problem!
It’s not like people didn’t like my writing… they would read my blogs, and told me they enjoyed my emails… but I assumed they liked it because I have a quirky sense of humor, not because it was GOOD or anything like that.
Or at least that’s what I told myself because:
You have likely experienced both personally and professionally that our mental health world is a world of word of mouth.
One of the biggest myths I hear constantly is that word of mouth is something that happens by chance. Luck. It’s out of our control, or the universe is (or isn’t) on our side. Sound familiar?Continue reading
Starting a private practice is tough. The internet is an amazing tool, but it is also a virtual avalanche of conflicting information promising to make everything “easy” while actually just making you feel ashamed and confused.
If everything is so “easy,” then why does it feel so hard?
It’s not uncommon for the excitement of jumping into private practice to turn into total overwhelm and analysis paralysis.
I GET IT.
What you need in place of that information overload is someone who has done all that reading and taken all the courses, sifted through the nonsense, and come out the other side with a clear understanding—plus a track record of success.Continue reading
I recently did a survey of almost 50 coaches and therapists to get a pulse on what they struggle with the most when it comes to building their private practice. And do you know what they wrote again and again?
“I work and work and work and work and WORK. I write blogs, I post on Facebook, and I tweak my website… it’s nonstop, I’m never done… And NOTHING is happening. How do I know what to do, what to stop doing, and what’s really going to return on investment?”Continue reading